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Dad Tales

Once upon an era, days were slow and seemed torturously long. The roads filled with unheeding passers by, who to me were simply mean and snobbish as they trod along. Their gazes never once resting on the boy behind the burglary proof bars, pleading for attention with wide oval eyes. I wanted out so bad, I felt boredom choke me.

When I look back and ask myself, “how did I manage through that anyway”. I would then be reminded of how he made it bearable, when the familiar sound of his signature double honk floated through the air, liberating me from my boring cell. How he walked through the kitchen doors, hands occupied with gifts.

We moved up the educational ladder and had to bring home tough sums to solve. we wore angry exasperated looks, wishing we could call on Genie to grant our three wishes; no school, no chores and no assignments. But Aladdin wasn’t generous with his lamp and we weren’t feeling enthusiastic about any “Open Sesame” adventures.

But he was there to help, after he had finished his own assignment. His aura reeking of fatigue and his yawn so wide, we joked that he looked like ‘Scar’ from the first part of ‘ Lion King ‘. We remember how we nursed the points where his knuckles left their mark, when we forgot our multiplication figures. Oh we were schooled at his feet.

Dads: They somehow had a way of filling the family portrait and still slink into the background ensuring we had the spotlight all to ourselves. They are workmen ladened with much work but refuse to request for extra pay. When the pain hits, the smiles on their faces grow bigger.

Dear dads,

Thank you for all you have been, are and will be.

Happy Father’s Day!!!

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Self Acceptance

Hello dear readers,

It’s been three aeons and an eternity since I’ve sought to put up a piece to abate the thirst and longings of your eyes. I apologize for the long break.

Well, it’s a new dawn, as we’ve first battled wildlife consuming infernos on the lonely continent of Australia, then sat through what would have been WW3, and just when we were about to heave a sigh and say to ourselves, “2020 couldn’t get any worse” a pandemic came knocking and claimed over five hundred thousand lives and counting. Dang! We’ve endured a lot in this first quarter don’t you think? Well, we are one nation earth (ONE) and we’ve been enduring plenty since the dawn of time, and this too will pass.

Oh well, to the order of the day. I was graced with the opportunity to write an article on “Self Acceptance” recently and I thought to share with you all, since this medium was created primarily for sharing. With the world recovering from this pandemic, many of us, having being isolated and cities forced to lock down, have sought this period to self reflect. To reflect on flaws, potentials to be exploited and the pending future. You’d agree with me, that Self Acceptance falls into this self reflection category. Well, without further rigmarole, take a peek at this write-up and evaluate the rate at which you concentrate on your self.

Ever caught yourself, standing on your porch, lost in your thoughts? Wandering around in the limitless abyss of your mind as you try to place yourself (like you would with pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle) in a spot, that has been created for you by society or that friend, or that partner? Feeling ‘blameful’ you feel it isn’t worth it to hang around others, you withdraw to your secret place, in a bid to hide from the world and sulk? You are probably trying so hard to be someone else just because you have a flawed past or have made mistakes. Mistakes which have caused you to reject your self and don a mask instead?
The world as we know it, has progressed to a whole new level over the years and is still morphing into a great ball of gigantic complexities, with the daily development of science and technology. Man is not left out of these mass of complexities as we all in one way or the other try to catch up with the racing developments, which seem to increase its pace every second. With all these happenings painted in this light, we have been deluded into shedding ourselves and becoming fictional characters. Fictional characters which have been deemed perfect by society’s status quo, but which really are a mirage and a figment of our imaginations only, which stand no chance against the winds of change but fade away like smoke in an harmattan wind. And sadly, this Is what we strive so hard to be. Losing our true selves as we go on this goose chase.

Now, with the aim of reaching the deepest, darkest parts of our minds, which in turn generally steer our being into motion, it is imperative that we are schooled rather extensively on the topic of “Self – acceptance“.
Now I ask my dear readers, what is “self acceptance”? What is the big deal about self acceptance and how does it affect us? How does it affect the world we are getting to know, see and feel? How about you take a moment to ponder on these questions before we delve deeper into the wonders of self acceptance.
First, what is self? You’ve probably noticed how this seems to have been made the topic of discuss, ofcourse with “acceptance” in tow. Well, what is it? What does this four-letter word, which seems to be a key ingredient in shaping our lives and world for the better mean?
Philosophical father, Socrates and his disciples; Plato and Descartes, have extensively spoken about what self is and what it entails. Without delving into much of the philosophical world and drifting from our little talk, Self is simply summarised by the philosophical geniuses as, the total and complete make-up of a being. It doesn’t stop there as they go on to say further that, self is made up of the material substance (physical body), and the non material substance (soul). Socrates was said to believe that, the soul was eternal, never changing, while the physical body was mortal and subject to change.

All these being taken into consideration, we all have to know that we all have different selves irrespective of our similarities. Even machines have got different serial or identification numbers despite being the same product or brand. We all come into this world different. Everyone brought in in their own unique ways and with different abilities. I would dare say it’s all part of some divine plan. Won’t you agree? It’s also important that you note that every self, equipped with different abilities, are all equal and on a neutral line. That is, non greater than the other but each placed strategically on this earth to achieve a greater goal.
Self acceptance on the other hand is accepting who you are, (irrespective of what people might say or do) after you have discovered yourself. Knowing that there isn’t any one out there like you and utilizing your self discovery for the benefit of mankind in any little way you can, and this can only take place when you’ve come to accept your true self.
However, acceptance of one’s true self has got different levels; Making peace with the past, owning the present and bracing for the future while planning ahead.

Making peace with the past entails, accepting your wrongs and being genuinely sorry about them. Making peace with people you might have wronged. Forgiving yourself and moving forward knowing that your past can’t reach you no more.
As for owning the present, it means being you for who you truly are. No fakes, no masks just you being better than yesterday and polishing yourself for days to come.
Bracing for the future entails preparedness for what tomorrow could be, arming yourself with the thoughts that you can take on whatever and whenever with this special unique ability you alone possess. Once you start to act on these, your view of the world changes and broadens. You discover new things about yourself you never knew existed, (like a superhero first discovering his/her power) you quit existing and start living. Self acceptance takes a lot of bravery and mind power, and once you learn to accept your true self whilst acting in good faith, the world changes just a teeny weeny bit, and for the better in the long run.

Remember, be you because no one else can.

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A look over the shoulder II

It’s a new month, and I’m wishing all the Muslim brotherhood ‘Happy Eid el fitr’. It’s also the fourth day of the first half of the year 2019. And we’re pretty sure a lot of ‘x-periences’ have occurred in these past few weeks. So, do well to share with us. Remember, it’s good to share, as we all embark on the ‘War against Suicide’ crusade.

Now to the post at hand, the continuation of the ‘look over the shoulder’ post. Remember, you can share your stories at ‘xperiencegroup@gmail.com’.

And now the post……… The latter end.

……………I was almost ruined when my parents got to find out about my ordeal, and of course they were so disappointed as they happened to be leaders in the church, but I didn’t care because they were never really there for me. They were so caught up sheep herding other people’s children they left their own to the wolves and my siblings and I paid the price for that. By the time they were brought up to speed about everything happening with me, I had already aborted a pregnancy. The night of the abortion was one dreadful one. After the deed had been done, I came home from school all bleeding, shaken, sad and a mixture of several negative emotions. I somehow hoped my parents would notice that something was wrong with me, but, It went unnoticed. I was forced to think back to all the things I had gained from my past relationships and it happened that the negatives outnumbered the positive, and they kind of blurred out the positive experiences.

Then things took a more drastic turn. After my parents got to find out about everything one way or the other, and I received the beating of my life. My so called boyfriend left because his parents, having found out about the pregnancy earlier threatened to disown him. I had no friend to talk to, no one to share with, no one to hold my hands and tell me I’ll get through this. I was left by myself, like a reject, a castaway of some sort like I had a highly contagious life threatening disease. I became suicidal and inevitably overwhelmed by depression.

After a year, I met other guys and it all turned out to be one disappointing moment to the other. One particular one almost convinced me otherwise until I found out he still had connections with his ex since four years ago. Apparently, he couldn’t let go of her but he strung me on anyways and that was the height of it all. I was left devastated, discarded and broken.

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A look over the shoulder.

Hello there! It’s a brand new month, and a gradual progress for us here at X-PERIENCES. We got our first “SHARER”. One who was able to stare the past in the eye and deal with it accordingly. Sure, it held a lot of regrets, pains and trips down cold, lonely corridors, long thought to be buried in the years past, but the “sharer” was able to come through.

Here is a piece of the story shared.

P.S,: Names of Sharers have been changed for anonymity and confidential reasons.

Also feel free to comment, every advice, contribution or scrutiny whatsoever is highly welcome.

My name is Sharon, and I just happened to have celebrated my birthday. And with the coming of a new age, I have become older, wiser and much smarter, considering the number of challenges I have been faced with over the past few years. I came of a realization that every single thing I did for myself,was never going to count, why so? You ask, I’ll explain as we go on.

I have never been so lucky when it comes to relationships or being in love. My first relationship like most relationship began on a good note, like a haven, a place that harboured all the love one could possibly ask for. He was then undergoing service under the National Youth Service Corp (NYSC), a one year period dedicated to complete service to the nation (Nigeria). I on the other hand had just concluded my West African Examination Council (WAEC) examinations as well as the National Examination Council (NECO) examinations. His service tenure began in April, but we met August and a fire ignited between us both.
Over the years I have been taught that, when a man really loves, sex is not a way of potraying that love, and this fuelled my resistance to his constant demands for sex. Moreover, I couldn’t bring myself to be emotionally tethered to someone who would soon leave, considering the remaining months of his service year. Eventually, time came for him to wrap up his service, he concluded and as quickly as he came, he left and all communication between us broke.
A year later, I met another guy and honestly, this one happened to know all the tricks in the book, sweeping me completely off my feet. He gave me all the attention I ever needed, showed me care I never got from my family members, had a listening ear and he loved me, or so I thought. I was so fooled and in love supposedly that I gave into his constant demands for sex and I didn’t even realize things were one sided in the relationship until much later. He was my first ever and looking back now, I wish I could turn back the hands of time, but if wishes were horses, beggers would ride.
He turned into something else. I would visit him and it would be like I wasn’t even there. He would invite another lady while I was there and they would go on chattering and laughing at their private jokes ignoring me the whole time. I guess this was the point I should have excused myself and cut him off, but sadly , I just couldn’t let go, I still loved him. The experience devastated me. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and then to years, I evolved into a nymphomaniac, I couldn’t control my urge for sex and life felt very terrible. Pornography was a major challenge as I sought various ways to get maximum satisfaction. I was wrecked, a state born out of that relationship……………..

A story from one of our Sharers, to be continued in our subsequent posts.

Let us know what you think in the comments. Remember, it’s good to share. Also, your advice and inputs are highly appreciated and mean a lot to us at X-PERIENCES.

Contact email

http://www.xperiencesgroup@gmail.com

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Experiences

It is common knowledge that every living being has experienced enormous amounts of events that have in one way or the other affected their lives either positively or negatively, leaving behind a feeling of bliss or loads of regrets. And as the common saying goes, “a problem shared is a problem half solved” hence the primary purpose of this site. We at ‘X-periences‘ are driven with the desire to hear your stories, most especially the sad and hurtful. By doing so, we intend to help relieve you and give due consolations and solutions where necessary. Besides by sharing your experiences with us, chances are you run into someone who has a similar experience, hence, cancelling the illusion that you’re the only one that has faced or is facing a particular problem.

We hope this site achieves the primary purpose of it’s set up and helps to alleviate unpleasant ‘blasts from the past’.

Welcome to ‘X-PERIENCES‘ feel comfortable to share your stories with us, and also give due contributions where necessary to subsequent posts.

P.s : all information will be treated as confidential.

Contact site;
xperiencesgroup@gmail.com

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The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step

Take a step!